That Was Before
by ChangingTheStory
Summary: She never thought that her mutation would ever lead to so many different things. That she would have a chance with anything. A Rouge Drabble which eventually leads to Rogan. Post DOFP. M for adult themes/language


_**Just a Drabble of sorts that I put together tonight as I was attempting to piece together a different chapter story to go along with 'Tonight.'**_

 _ **Apparently my imagination had different plans. This follows the timeline of Days of Future Past hence why Scott, Jean and the Professor are still around.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: not my characters in the least, just borrowing them for some fun.**_

That was Before

She was open before her powers manifested, in every way possible. She was all low cut shirts and two piece bathing suits. She loved to swim, as it got so hot in Mississippi it really was the best way of coping without shacking up inside all day. She was affectionate with friends, often seen snuggling up with them or having an arm around their shoulder or waist. She was just as good at being a flirt with the boys around her with all her light touches and arm holding to accompany her 'Oh you' nudges. But that was you know, before Cody.

It doesn't matter really, not anymore. She's adaptable, she's made to survive. Since sixteen she's been shifting from place to place, hitching...hiding. She's been put in situations that made her do things she never thought she'd do. She had blood on her hands well before she knew that that was even an option for her. She could be a shadow, she could do whatever she had to to keep moving, to stay alive and well.

Marie was great at being warm and inviting, fun, and hell bent on causing trouble. The Rogue side of her though? She showed up when she needed her, when she had to make life changes, and needed a means to make them happen. The Rogue is coy, and quick, defensive and ready, meticulous. Now that she was Rogue she knew to never leave anywhere without an emergency twenty bill and a means to somehow create some warmth for long nights. She learned that a slip of a glove and a quick graze behind someone's ear or wrist was enough to pick up the bare minimum of intentions, and that if you needed an escape, you already had two planned out that you could get to in ten seconds or less.

The Rogue fought dirty because no one in this world gave a rat's ass about what happened to you as long as they had themselves to worry about. That people will use you, and two time you, and take advantage of you in anyway they can if it helps them in anyway; The Rogue knew that already and was steeled about this being her norm for the unforeseen future. Well, that was before him.

Thinking on it, she never knew that there could be people that would be able to understand you on such a different plain of existence. She never thought that comfortable silence was actually something that was real, and that the books were right when somebody could say so much with just a look. She didn't think she could actually have a friend, someone who gave a shit about whether you came or went or who would come get you when you found yourself in the kind of trouble you swore you would never find yourself in.

She never let herself show a sliver of that openness with anyone, not since Momma gave her her bag packed full of essentials, two hundred dollars, and her rosary that has been in the family for four generations. Not since that night where her momma held her for ten minutes in the pitch black as they both sobbed. Not since her momma sang her the song she always had sung since she was a baby and told her how much she loved her, and gave her rules to apply to as she went forward with running away before the town came with pitchforks in a few hours. Daddy thought he would be able to reason with them, but momma knew better. Momma might have had a bit of the Rogue in her too. She never knew she would find that kind of peace with some one again. That she would be able to sit and smile and just *exist* with someone. She also didn't think of the possibility that her gift wasn't a curse and that there would be people in her head that she wouldn't mind being in there. But, that was before he left.

Really though, he had his own self to find, and she was so young and he just flitted away as quickly as he came. She was okay,she'd always be okay, but, it never did hurt to wonder...right?

It took her a long time to see the good in people again. Rouge was so tired of constantly being on edge, being ready. She wanted to be kind, inviting with others. She wanted to help others that she passed in her travels who might be worse off, but she was taken advantage of twenty six times too many, and that she still needed to keep herself a number one priority because no one else would. It took her a long time to let herself show that tangy personality that loves mischief, and can't stand to have people speak for her. She was stubborn as a mule and it served her well. She loved helping others, but who would help her? Letting others in would just end the same as it did with Momma and Daddy, with all her friends turned monster back home. She didn't realize that people could rely on you just as much as you wanted to rely on them. That a semblance of a life could be rebuilt and that things could start to feel complacent and normal. She didn't know. But, this all was before she became an X-man.

She never was apart of something earthshattering big. She never had such a huge responsibility before, and the feeling that this was so much beyond her if she and those she worked with, was family with had failed. She was never really a kid, not since sixteen, not since she had so many people older than her in her head now. But she never knew that she could see her heroes lose as their best friend, lover, and whatever else she was to all of them was taken from them in a sacrifice that again, was still just so much bigger. She didn't think that she could see a person, a friend that saved her in more than one way, a like spirited person be in so much pain as something he didn't even have was taken from him. That was before Jean Grey died of course.

It made her thankful, so fucking thankful. She wanted to be sure to honor that gift, especially as those around her crumbled under its pressure and the thought of being without Jean. But GOD, how could she?! How could she imagine allowing herself to dress comfortable? Go without those gloves, or not be so worried to keep a two foot radius from others when in a swimsuit? She would LOVE to go skinny dipping, or dance under the moon with someone. Steal hushed whispers and kisses without worrying about hurting them, without worrying they would be in her head forever. She couldn't begin to think that life would have any semblance of the milestones that all people work for when she was deprived of a basic human need. It hurt her head, her heart to think of the 'what if's and the 'how come's and the 'what will happen's. Of course her boyfriends would always want more, or would find others tempting. Of COURSE she wouldn't ever be able to fall in love for the first time as an adult. The real kind, the deep, ride or die, 'this is it' love. Hell, even her normal teenage experiences couldn't be 'normal teenage experiences'. Rogue didn't know before the cure but, that could all change.

She enjoyed the fleeting amount of time she had with the cure, but it was all for not. Coming back to the mansion briefly to be there just in time to hug Jean and whisper a thank you in her ear when they hugged and reunited. To tell the Professor, and Scott that she needed to take some time to figure out who and what she was, and them hugging her and assuring her she always had a home. Getting a hug and very calm, knowing 'Give me a call okay?' from Logan.

Rogue still remembers vividly the somewhat expected rejection from Bobby as she went to tell him she was leaving for a bit and she hoped she would come with him. She could touch after all, and she would love to figure out what that meant for them. She was surprised at the sting it caused when he said no and that he was disappointed in her giving up his gift. Pah, as if that boy knew anything about isolation. She didn't blame him for ending up with Kitty, they really were more suited for each other. Bobby always used to get so frustrated, so hurt as he would say for the hundredth time ' why won't you open up to me?'. He was young and instant gratification was something all almost twenty somethings are striving for.

Nine days by the way. She had nine days before old voices began speaking up; Fleeting remnants were back to full residents within twelve days. She absorbed some poor barmaid on day thirteen. Her mutation was so thirsty, so hungry- it happened so much quicker than before. It was only two official weeks gone until they had lead her to come hauling back to the mansion, tail between her legs. The nervous breakdown had her locked up in the brig downstairs for three days, her brain so scrambled that it took BOTH the Professor and Logan to help her weed through them to find herself again.

That was it. She knew that the chapter of dreams being met and made was over. Rogue was able to let her hair down and let loose. She could buy new outfits and shake people's hands when she met them and both parties were completely unfazed. She was able to flirt and be feisty, hook up with random strangers and leave before they woke in the morning. Ironically it was another Robert who ended up being her first time intimate with someone. He was an old soul, wise beyond his years- she would never forget Robert Reynolds, and was thankful at least she had time under her belt with him and the three others. But she had no time, no time at all to even begin to discover what touch could mean, what opportunities could be in front of her. It started with Cody screaming so loud that she dropped a hot mug of coffee on the hotel floor. She swore at the the fact the hotel would charge her as she began dabbing at the stain, saying her jr status stipend could only get so far. Tears down and denial set in her psyche. She knew then though.

And just like that, she knew hope was gone. That was before their friendship saved her though, and he became a constant in her life.

Rogue remembers him visiting those first days after, when she became her again. She did nothing but slept and journaled, mostly in the dark. He came and talked quietly, more to her than with her as she was still so withdrawn inside herself. He would bring food, offer to help get her in and out of the shower, basic things. Thinking on it, Rogue is still amazed that he was so calm and respectful and just _sweet_ after seeing just how fucked up she had become. The things he heard and saw, and to still show up. She's still not so sure why he's here. It was during that time she got to be reminded about how close their connection was, about how comfortable she could actually be with someone else. She never had it before, not like this. He was a warm blanket for her soul. He knew things about her that would make other's scoff and never return back to her but he just kept on while promising to shoulder some of her burdens.

She forgot how nice the sound of 'Marie' was on someone's lips, she never heard it anymore. She forgot what it was like to be intimately open and inviting towards someone. To have someone know all the parts that make you you and still want to to see you and spend time with you. She forgot what it was like to not be afraid to be around someone on on any level and not have them afraid of her, it never happened anymore. Even her and Jubilee had to be careful growing up over those years. She never got her makeup or nails done like the other girls, and Jubes always had to make it a point to lend her leggings with dresses.

He never gave her extra space or flinched when close. He would touch her on purpose through clothes, just to let her know she was touchable. Then visits in her room turned into daily walks and sitting and cooking together during meals. Sometimes it would be large blocks of not talking and she would turn inward, or hours talking about mundane things.

Rogue loves to read, it's something inherently her, and surprisingly Logan could hold up his end when discussing the classic literature she gravitated towards. She also could keep up about sports conversation, she wouldn't be a true southern belle after all if she didn't have American football in her blood. She enjoyed being taught hockey by him, but truth be told the him in her head already had taught her most of it. It was nice, what they were. She never thought for a thousand years that she would get to have more with him, until suddenly she had more with him.

She never thought after all the missions they had been on together that the one that almost got the two of them killed would lead him to kissing her in the foyer in front of the whole team. Jubilee whooped, Scott *ahem*ed loudly while Jean pulled him (I think she was even smiley) away. Luckily Beast and Storn picked up jaws and shooed everyone else off. She felt the pull start a tad later, after he began to deepen the kiss and draw his tongue across her lips. Hindsight Rogue can't help but wonder if the surprise element even knocked out her mutation for a couple of seconds.

They ended up staying up until sunrise talking, and kissing pecks, kissing through scarves, under the shower. Just trying to wrap there heads about what happened, what could have happened, what was happening right then. Rogue never thought that she would be able to touch again, or be touched let alone make love with someone. She never realized how inventive someone could be and that those nine days of fun were nothing compared to one night with Logan. They were able to laugh, and be clumsy. He was able to whisper and nip as he claimed her while thrusting so painfully slow. She didn't realize that she was able to moan and enjoy things so deeply as her toes curled and she found herself crying out "Right there! Fuck, right there. Please Logan. Please." And he more than happily obliged to send her to the edge.

This was far from being a one time fluke, as it was that very day she moved into his room. Who knew that she would find something so deep and comfortable and just _right?_ That she would find her and him fucking, moaning, rutting in different places, after different conversations and dates and 'just because' . That he would be able to make her unwound with simply whispering into her ear or that he would be pulling her away to sneak off somewhere. She feels powerful as she was able to control and appease the beast within him, bringing him down to his knees just as much as the rogue became vulnerable to him.

She never allowed herself to think she deserved this, deserved him. She sure as shit never thought for a million years that it would last. But you know, she can't help but smile thinking on it. The night where they were by a fire just outside the back steps in the center of the garden, and he said the words 'You know Rogue' and one by one her friends immediately and without warning stood up and walked away. Then when it was all over returning with champagne and well wishes. She never thought that she, Rogue, Marie of all people deserved that little slice of happy. That was before he proposed though.

 _ **There you have it! Please leave me your thoughts with a review and hopefully I'll be seeing you soon with a new piece. That dives more into their story!**_


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